Regret

Written By Shari Lane

“I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations
—one can either do this or that.
My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this:
do it or do not do it
—you will regret both.”

Soren Kierkegaard

(Moving from the profound to the whimsical-but-still-true)

“Regret is the worst human emotion.
If you took another road,
you might have fallen off a cliff . . .”

 William Shatner

A deeply personal note to start today’s newsletter: I am discussing with someone I love the possibility of moving to assisted living, or some other similarly monumental shift in what had been a comfortably established life. This particular someone has always been my rock, and the conversations have been heart-wrenching.

I regret so many things.   

I regret not spending more time visiting. Two or three times a year was the norm until Covid, and our last planned visit was cancelled due to—wait for it—Covid. I wish I had tried harder to reschedule.

I regret not trying, before now, to get this someone to live near me on my magical island in the Salish Sea. (I tried, but not hard enough).

I regret the times I was too busy to have our weekly call. I let these things get in the way: the dishes and the groceries and the laundry and the yard work and the never-ending To Do list at the office. Travel, writing (of course), music, and gathering with friends. “I’ll call tomorrow,” I said, and meant it, but tomorrow came and then more tomorrows and suddenly two weeks had gone by.

 

Moving to another well-known maxim:
All we have is now.
And so I plan for our nows,
scheme and dream to make the most of the time we have together.

But that doesn’t fix the regret.

What does any of this have to do with Two Over Easy All Day Long? (Since this is ostensibly my author newsletter)?

Any writer will tell you even the most fantastical characters take a page from the book (pun intended) of life. I am not new to regret, and so my characters experience it as well. Nancy regrets her ongoing intimacy with the steaming pile of excrement that is Roj. Leesa regrets never leaving the town where she was born. Walt regrets that, having escaped from one unbearable life he is now mired in another (sometimes unbearable) life. It’s possible even Roj regrets his sins.

And Giles/Tony regrets the moment he signed off on a defective toy. Oh how he regrets that moment.

Any writer will also tell you their characters’ stories are sometimes a stand-in for processing the stuff*** the universe throws at us.

***Using a nicer word than the one that comes to mind. Walt wouldn’t hesitate to let the profanity fly, but outside my writing I’m a bit more circumspect.

 

So what do my characters tell me?

The only way through is forward.

I am no time-traveler. (Where, oh where, is my Tardis?)

I can’t undo my past failures, screw-ups,  and pettiness.

“Bad mistakes, I’ve made a few.”

(If you weren’t an adolescent in the late ‘70s or early ‘80s, you might not recognize the quote—so for my younger readers, here’s your bit of deep, meaningful history: the quote is from the lyrics of We are the Champions, by Queen.)

 

Of course I don’t regret this glorious moment with my son!
But pigtails on mom, blonde dye on son -
I think my son would join me in characterizing these
fashion decisions as . . . less than desirable.

 

To sum up, Inigo-Montoya-style: I can’t undo my past, can’t fix the acts and omissions I so deeply regret.

I can only try to do better in this
second/moment/hour/day/week/month/year,
can only try to make time for this someone,
to be present in ways I haven’t before.

Wish me luck in moving forward, past the regret, into a better now.

I’m going to need it. (Luck, that is.)

Opening quotes from BrainyQuote.com – if they’re wrong, let ‘em know!

Other News

Because of the aforementioned personal situation, planned events are subject to cancellation or rescheduling, but as of this writing, scheduled events for Two Over Easy All Day Long:


Shari Lane

I’ve been a lawyer, board president, preschool teacher and middle school teacher, friend, spouse, mother, and now grandmother, but one thing has never changed: from the time I could hold a pencil, I’ve been a writer of stories, a spinner of tales - often involving dragons (literal or metaphorical). I believe we are here to care for each other and this earth. Most of all, I believe in kindness and laughter. (And music and good books, and time spent with children and dogs. And chocolate.)

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